update

I have not blogged in a while. sorry.... Well actually I have , but in my other blog.

Anyway after driving all the way to Cape Town and failing to get to talk to anybody (except Pete who helped in a different way) who could help, we left one car in Cape town and drove all the way to Uitenhage for my wife to have an interview. The interview went ok, but since the panel could not give us an answer because they still have one more inteview to do, we were left hanging with no real place to go.

Cape Town is flippen far to drive to , only to come back in a weeks time. Apart from that we had nowhere to go really and so we rented a flat until the end of the month.

And so this morning my son went to school for his first day in grade 1, even though we are not sure if we are going to stay. The thing is that we all just needed some stability and a place to come home to at night.

And so now we wait on God. We wait for Him to show us where to go. We wait for him to open the door. We wait and pray and wonder at will happen to us next week.

And so continue to pray for us please.

Pray that God's will be done and that my wife will find a job in the ministry. Pray that I will find work to do soon. Pray for our finances - The end of the month is looming and I have a heck of a lot of bills to pay with no money in my account (thus the need for work).

And thank God for keeping us safe thus far. Thank Him for supplying in our needs.

;o)

Dis nag

When I look at all that needs to happen in what I am guessing to be the next week I feel totally overwhelmed.

Here is what I see when I look at what needs to happen.

My wife is basically unemployed. This means that she will not receive any salary at the end of January. I do not have any money available with very little (about R1000) coming to me by end of January. We are both committed to paying our usual monthly bills.

We need to find a house/townhouse to rent before the 16th. We need to pay a deposit for the house/townhouse as well as the first month's rent. At the moment , looking at prices on the net , it seems that we will need to pay about R4500/pm for housing. This means that on top of it all we need to earn R4500 per month more than we did up to now.

All of this comes down to one thing. We on our own will not be able to make it. I can not see a way out. And so , if God does not pull a very, very big rabbit out of a very small hat , we are screwed !!!

;o|

of blogs and names

Because my wife has lost her title as minister I now have a problem. because that means that I am officially no longer mev. dominee.

The question now is, do I change the name of this blog to something else, or do i keep the name in the faith that my wife will one day be able to resume her calling as minister ?

My little faith

O well, as you may have guessed from the fairly incoherent post this afternoon , my wife's appeal against her discontinuation was unsuccessful. One point of light is that she would be allowed to re candidate immediately and that after the two year candidature period , in which she will be able to finish her studies, she will hopefully be allowed to re-enter the ministry where she was now forced to leave off.

I have no doubt in my mind that my wife needs to be in ministry. The problem now is to find her a job where she can be in ministry and be able to finish her studies.

A photographer friend of mine in Capetown has asked me to come and work for/with him as an assistant photographer in his business. He's business has grown to the point where he can not cope with the work load and I am sure that I will be able to help him grow the business further.

But here come the problems.

1. we need to find a job for my wife in cape town area where she can be in ministry.
2. We need to find a place to stay. Up to this point we have stayed in a manse supplied by the church. This now falls away, unless by a miracle from God the new job includes housing.
3. We need to find a school for my son who needs to start school on the 16th if we move to the cape, or the 9th if we stay here.
4. We need to pack our belongings and move within the next week.
5. We need to arrange the move.
6. We need money.. my wife will not receive any income at the end of this month. I will not earn much either with packing and moving etc. We need to pay school fees for my son. We need to pay a months lease as well as a deposit on a place to stay. Wen eed fuel to get ourselves and our cars to capetown. We need to pay the normal bills and buy food and other essentials.

In short .. we need a long list of miracles to happen in a fairly short space of time. And all I can do is look to God and pray. because the way I see it all of this is hopeless. But I want to believe that with God all things are possible. And I want to believe that He can still bring some good out of all the pain and chaos.

So pray for us. we sure need all the prayer and support we can get.

God help me to focus on you. Help me to know that with you all things are possible. You know that if I look at all that needs to happen and if I look at all the uncertainties than I feel totally overwhelmed. Please Father, look after us and keep us in your will. Keep us safe an guide us out of this. Please don't kill my last small bit of faith. I am hanging on , but only just.

...?

:o|

and now....?

I believed. i really did. I was convinced in my heart that God would hear our prayers and that the presiding bishop would grant my wife's appeal.

I believed that God would show us a way out of this.

and now ?

My third post today.....

I am really desperate for answers. I see the drain, the strain and the pain on my wife's face. I see the tears in her eyes and there is nothing more that I can do but pray.

I still firmly believe that God will come to my wife's aid and that He will provide a way for her to continue her ministry. I can also not believe that God would have brought us through the past 6 years of ministry and training , only to have all of that flushed down the loo because of a couple of idiots playing political games in the church.

I have a job opportunity in George and if my wife could also get a job , preferably in the ministry then we would at least have somewhere to go.
All I am hoping for is that God will answer our prayers and allow us to move to George and start afresh there. I am praying that the presiding bishop will allow my wife to finish her studies and become ordained.

I know that my wife has done nothing so severe as to deserve the treatment she is receiving (and that from people who call themselves followers of Jesus). At worst she has worked to hard at her ministry and let her academics slide a bit. The other thing she has done, and the one that I believe to be the big issue, is that she has treated the gay and lesbian people in our community with grace and compassion and that she has not doomed them to Hell like some of the church leaders would have wanted.

Father, we are in your hands. Please come to our aid.

Please .........

Psalms 35

Psa 35:1-28
(1) Oppose those who oppose me, LORD, and fight those who fight against me!
(2) Take your shield and armor and come to my rescue.
(3) Lift up your spear and war ax against those who pursue me. Promise that you will save me.
(4) May those who try to kill me be defeated and disgraced! May those who plot against me be turned back and confused!
(5) May they be like straw blown by the wind as the angel of the LORD pursues them!
(6) May their path be dark and slippery while the angel of the LORD strikes them down!
(7) Without any reason they laid a trap for me and dug a deep hole to catch me.
(8) But destruction will catch them before they know it; they will be caught in their own trap and fall to their destruction!
(9) Then I will be glad because of the LORD; I will be happy because he saved me.
(10) With all my heart I will say to the LORD, "There is no one like you. You protect the weak from the strong, the poor from the oppressor."
(11) Evil people testify against me and accuse me of crimes I know nothing about.
(12) They pay me back evil for good, and I sink in despair.
(13) But when they were sick, I dressed in mourning; I deprived myself of food; I prayed with my head bowed low,
(14) as I would pray for a friend or a brother. I went around bent over in mourning, as one who mourns for his mother.
(15) But when I was in trouble, they were all glad and gathered around to make fun of me; strangers beat me and kept striking me.
(16) Like those who would mock a cripple, they glared at me with hate.
(17) How much longer, Lord, will you just look on? Rescue me from their attacks; save my life from these lions!
(18) Then I will thank you in the assembly of your people; I will praise you before them all.
(19) Don't let my enemies, those liars, gloat over my defeat. Don't let those who hate me for no reason smirk with delight over my sorrow.
(20) They do not speak in a friendly way; instead they invent all kinds of lies about peace-loving people.
(21) They accuse me, shouting, "We saw what you did!"
(22) But you, O LORD, have seen this. So don't be silent, Lord; don't keep yourself far away!
(23) Rouse yourself, O Lord, and defend me; rise up, my God, and plead my cause.
(24) You are righteous, O LORD, so declare me innocent; don't let my enemies gloat over me.
(25) Don't let them say to themselves, "We are rid of him! That's just what we wanted!"
(26) May those who gloat over my suffering be completely defeated and confused; may those who claim to be better than I am be covered with shame and disgrace.
(27) May those who want to see me acquitted shout for joy and say again and again, "How great is the LORD! He is pleased with the success of his servant."
(28) Then I will proclaim your righteousness, and I will praise you all day long.

my prayer

As i am writing this i am sitting in church waiting for the service to begin.

And i have very mixed emotions about being here . I am sitting behind the mixer , doing the sound and data projection for a church that has technically fired my wife as their minister.

The interesting thing is that the people who fired her did not have the power to do so. But now we have to wait for the presiding bishop to come back from leave before we can hope to seek restitution.

And as i sit here, all i can do is pray:

Father God. All i can do is believe that you are still in control. I can only pray that you will forgive the people who are destroying your church, and that in your name. I pray Lord that you will look after my wife and our family. Keep us safe, in your love.

Lord i know that my wife is a very good minister and that she does not stand guilty before you. I pray that you in your mighty power and love will allow her ministry to continue.

I pray that you will open the door for us to move away from this hurtful place. Please Lord grant that the presiding bishop will find in my wife's favour so that she will be able to continue and be ordained.

I did, I did..........

I got a new blog. sorry can't tell you where.

I am expecting to blog there , a lot more than here, but i will try to keep this one going as well.

maybe one day I will link to the new one from here, but for now .......... I don't think so.

Pray for me as I need to make some radical changes in my life. Pray that I will turn into the man , husband , father, follower of Jesus that God needs me and wants me to be.

;o)

I need a new blog

An anonymous one where no one knows me , where i can rant and rave and bitch without upsetting the people who know me.

But will it help ?

I am so f%cking frustrated i can scream !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need to blog, but i have nothing to say

A friend sent me this SMS earlier today :

• Dankie aan almal wat my die beste toegewens het vir die jaar 2007. Ek wil net noem dat dit fokol gehelp het. So vir 2008 aanvaar ek slegs kontant, bees agterkwarte, heel lammers, free range hoenders, Yokohama tyres, petrolkaarte, Captain morgan en coke. Baie dankie

This probably sums it fairly well. In the last two years I have seen a part of the church that we serve that I do not wish any one to see. I have learnt how people who call them selves Christians can play political games in the church that will make the politics in government look like a sunday school picnic. If you want to be a minsiter then first go and study political science!

I have seen how church people use other people as objects , to be used and discarded at a whim. No wonder a minister I know drives with a bumper sticker that says :"Lord please protect me from your people!"

This year, especially the last part sucked !!!

and the rebel in me does not want to write this next part :

But I know, through all of this God is still in control.

Pray for me... and my wife and my son. Pray for us. And pray for the church that is so caught up in politics and power struggles that love and mission is long forgotten.